Last week was a doozy. A combination of unwittingly going off my antidepressants and kids being kids just about sent me over the edge. I considered writing about it here while I was in the midst of it, but I was scared of what I would come back and find once I wasn't feeling so crazy. I am feeling much better today - much more in control of my emotions. But I don't think the roller coaster is quite over. Will I ever be able to go off of this darn medication? It makes me wonder who I really am. Is this really me? Or is Sarah-off-of-medication really me? You don't want to be Sarah-off-of-medications's friend. Trust me.
The antidote for those "bad times" are good distractions and creativity. Taylor and I went on a few impromptu dates after the kids were in bed last week, and I worked on creating a few things. One of those things was my blog. I updated the pages (above) that I have been meaning to work on for a while. So here is a bit of an explanation.
For quite a while the theme of my blog as been centered on the two opposing forces in my life: Entropy and Creativity. As you may have noticed on my sidebar, I believe that when it comes to motherhood "Entropy is the enemy. Creativity is the cure." (I'm quoting myself there. Isn't that clever?) You may have heard that "Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the driveway while it is still snowing". I feel like I am constantly following the whirlwind(s) around my house and trying to keep things orderly and clean. Sometimes I get so behind and discouraged, and sometimes there is nothing I can do to "fix" what the whirlwind has done. Years ago my husband and I consoled ourselves by coming up with the phrase "Kids Ruin Everything" when something breaks or has gone terribly wrong because of "them". In the presence of young ears we often speak in code to each other and just whisper,"K.R.E.". I agree, it is kind of a sad way to look at parenthood. But please understand, it is our way of laughing instead of crying.
And so, I present to you my new pages:
Suzie Petunia Creations and Entropy at Work (ie. K.R.E.)
A word about "Entropy at Work (ie. K.R.E.)":
Sometimes it is funny. But usually it is not for a long, long time. So I record it all here on this page so I can eventually come back and laugh. I will laugh. Right? Do you have a "K.R.E." experience to add to the (eventual) laughter? Send it to me and I'll add it to the page. Maybe we can all help you see what is funny sooner than you might on your own.
About Suzie Petunia creations:
This is where I show you all of the things I have created and have brought me great joy. If kids' chaos (ie. entropy or K.R.E.) is "ying" , then this page is my "yang". The idea is to balance the universe and share the joy. Pretty things make me happy. Oh, you, too? Beware: My creations are random and varied. I like to make things up. I do not like to follow instructions. "Improvisation" is the name of my game.
Boy, I've been having fun with punctuation, font size and italics today. Here, I'll throw in another set of "quotation marks" for no reason at all. And a bit of italicized, bold font in a new size and color.
As always, thanks for stopping by and validating. I try not to be needy, but sometimes I just need to get it all out and make sure I'm not alone.
P.S. To my children: I know some of you read this. I hope nothing I have said has hurt you. When you have kids of your own, I promise you will understand. And I will help you create your own blog to avoid therapy bills, too.
9 comments:
Oh my dear - may I just say I've had one of those weeks (months) as well lately. Kind of not a fun person to be around, feeling very sandwich generation with my college daughter in the midst of major change and an ailing father (who is much better). I normally can handle "the big stuff" but then some of the things that are "small stuff" is what gets me sent over the edge. I had a couple of KRE episodes this week from one of my kids. Both accidents, but frustrating to say the least:
1. A bag of frozen blueberries to ice a sore foot is forgotten until bedtime when said child feels blueberry juice from now unfrozen berries seeping all through her sheets, comforter and dripping on carpet. The best part is that I got awakened around 12:30am to the sounds of frenzied cleaning.
2. Same child, a few days later, accidentally drops her Iphone in her french onion soup from Panera. Not a good combination. I see dollar signs and irresponsibility and have one of my not finer moments. Good news is after the phone spent 12 hours in a bag of dry rice, it was cured. Yes, that's the fix for wet phones.
Anyway, hang in there. I'm a pill popper too - I'm just too dang anxiety ridden without them. You're a wonderful mom, sister, aunt, daughter. We wear lots of hats and some of us need a little something to stay sane while doing so.
Sarah I love you. I love that you are my sister and I love that you are honest and you care. You care about being a good Mom AND being creative. You inspire me to be better at everything and to take time to enrich myself while raising kids to be good people. I love looking into what my sisters are creating and marveling that we are all so different and all so very much the same.
I am sorry you had such a rough week. I hope you will continue to let me know how I can help. I think we need to set up cameras to catch them in the act since "No one" is always doing the destruction! You are so unbelievably creative and I am glad you have found that to be your solution. I am so lucky to be next door to you!! Love you!! Your partner in KRE sorrow,
Kel
Need I remind you at how terribley(sp) talented you are at carrying a million things on your arms and in your hands while trying to find a seat in Relief Society. That was such a funny sight but at the same time I think it can be a lesson for how much you have going on and how much you DO get accomnplished. Hang in there. Send a couple kids my way if you need to
Sarah you are amazing! I'm sorry last week was so hard! I hope this week is better!
Check your email for my comment:) It was too long for the box.
And heck yeah, KRE!
Yeah, I know all about KRE except you may have heard the less subtle "Dang kids!" phrase mentioned a few times...or more, during your growing up years. Why didn't we think of using a code? Here's my contribution. We didn't have a ton of money when we lived in Sweden as youngsters but we bought a few meaningful things to remind us of our time there. Unfortunately, a lot of them were breakable and during the next ten years or so, every one of them got dropped, vibrated off a shelf, bumped, and generally destoyed. Oh well. What I found out is that things are just things and that kids are more important. So what if the house is messy--it is better to spend your time doing what is most needful for your kids. I wish I had had a blog to vent on and to keep a journal of how it was...but the good news is that I only remember the good times now! I love you, I think you are an amazing woman, wife, mother, and daughter. Your self-discipline and creativity are inspiring to me. You have kids with very strong personalities but you were chosen to be their mom because you are the best one to teach them. Hang in there! You're a weiner, panty hose! (that is Oscarson code....heh, heh.)
loved the new sections on your blog. i was sharing KRE with a friend last night who declared that we should take photos of our bodies and CAT scans of our brains. Then you could see the real evidence of what kids ruin . . . .
I blame it on the fog. I felt my anger lift when the sun came out for a couple of hours this afternoon. That, and my stress management ice cream went out the window with the new year and exercise with it since I sprained my ankle badly on New Year's Eve. Some weeks are like that. I usually try to get extra sleep and a blessing from Josh. I wish I lived near you and we could feel crazy together. When you talk to someone about it, it always seems to clear. I hope you're feeling better soon. I love you!
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