The middle child always gets lost in the crowd, right? I can speak from experience, being the middle of seven. So I have tender feelings for my own "middle child", Oscar.
He is just seven years old, but he is so
very much. He is very smart, very energetic, very active, very pensive, very emotional.
He has had a lot of growing pains as of late - literal and figurative. And let's be honest. He hasn't been very easy to live with for the last year or so. He is emotionally very unpredictable. I wonder where he gets that? Not really. He gets it from me.
He never has any problems in school. He is very old for his grade since his birthday is in September, and he exceeds all expectations. He is very happy at school, but the moment he steps foot in the door at home he becomes very defensive. It is as if he feels like he has to put on some sort of armor at home to protect himself from some unseen enemy. He lashes out emotionally and blames everyone and everything around him for his problems, whether they are real or imagined. This has been very concerning to me for some time because I strive so earnestly to show my kids all of the love and support I possibly can at home. I frequently praise him and tell him how proud I am for who he is. But when he is in "one of those moods", only time can help him work his way out of his funk.
I can only assume that the stress he seems to feel at home comes from his position among his siblings. As I said, he falls right in the middle of five. And he falls directly in the shadow of an older brother who is also fun and smart and wonderful. I am sure he seeks Henry's approval constantly and wants to be like him. But being 2.5 years shy of his age, there are just certain ways that he will feel that he falls short. And it is impossible for Oscar to understand why Henry doesn't want him trying to do and be everything that Henry is.
And then there is Alice. She is the one just younger than Oscar, and she more than anyone else on this planet knows how to push Oscar's buttons. She is so extraordinarily talented at it, she must have been practicing for eons before they came to earth. She is a child prodigy: She is the Mozart of sibling teasing.
Oscar is naturally a very funny boy. (Next time you see him, ask him to do "The Water Dance" just for you.) He has a terrific sense of humor, and of all of my kids, he is the one that seems to tickle my funny bone the most spontaneously. It breaks my heart when he does something genuinely funny - for just the sake of being funny - but as soon as we start to laugh he somehow thinks we are laughing at him in a malicious way and he gets offended. We're working on that one. All a part of the learning curve, right?
Oscar is fun, funny, and fun-loving. His favorite soccer game last fall was the one when it poured rain throughout and they got to slide around in the mud.
Oscar is a very sweet and sincere child. He insisted on trying really hard to believe in Santa last Christmas.
Oscar has a very soft spot in his heart for his little brother, Joe. I have to say I was somewhat relieved that we were having a boy when I was pregnant with Joe. I was glad Oscar would get to have a little brother that would look up to him.
And so you can see the tight spot where my middle child finds himself - squeezed right in there between someone he can never quite be, and on the other side the bane of his existence. And no amount of prayer on my part was alleviating his woes. But I did feel inspired to find something that would be his very own - all his - that he could do on his own and be proud of. For Christmas we gave him TaeKwonDo lessons. And in less than two months we have seen a very noticeable difference. Things aren't perfect, but they are much, much better. And I love watching him in his lessons. I get such a thrill to see him learn something new, master it, and excel. And the values his instructor instills are priceless: Respect for parents, siblings and teachers. Self-control and self-mastery. Doing your very best always. As a "White Belt" the black belt philosophy is "Focus your eyes, focus your body, focus you mind." Oscar has taken this very seriously.
I love his instructor! He is so good with kids.
On Saturday Oscar tested to advance in rank to "Yellow Belt" in TaeKwonDo.
It was so fun for Taylor and I to watch. Not only did he have to master kicking combinations, punches, blocks, and forms, but he also had to learn to count to 10 in Korean, and be able to repeat and respond to a few other phrases. He studied so hard, and we could not be more proud of him. Below is the video of his test. It is 8 minutes - a little long, but something I thought his grandparents in particular would want to see. If you can't watch the whole thing, be sure to look at 2:45 where he breaks a board with his fist! I had no idea he was going to be asked to do that at his first test! I was amazed and so impressed with his focus and strength.
And if you're still hanging in there with me... Oscar had his first grade music program at school last week. It is always so surprising to me to see him so animated and happy in front of people at school, because he gets so self conscious at home. My goal is to help Oscar feel as uninhibited at home as he does at school. (Doesn't that just seem backwards?)
I love my cuddly, affectionate Oscar! I will be sad when he is too big to sit on my lap and give me BIIIIIG hugs.
9 comments:
You are a fantastic mother. I hope I put this much effort into making my children feel special. He couldn't ask for a better advocate. I love your descriptions of him. I wish we lived closer and he could be an older hero for my boys!
Aww shucks! I love his dancing in that school musical! He is adorable. I am so impressed with his Tae Kwon Doh...or however you spell it--(that sounds like something Homer Simpson would do.) Anyway, what a great thing for him and he is so impressive and disciplined. I watched the whole thing and am amazed. Tell him how wonderful his Mo thinks he is! I think time and love will pull him out of this phase!
I'm so impressed with Oscar's focus and hard work in Tae Kwon Do. I really hope that is something he sticks with. Tell him I can empathize with the growing pains... particularly in the knees!!! It will end, Oscar! Hang in there!
I loved and appreciated this insight into Oscar. What an enigma, as far as the animated at school thing and defensive at home. I can't wait to see who he will be. I am glad the sport I can't spell has helped and given him joy and confidence. How the heck am I going to afford for all my kids to get to do an activity of their own some day, by the way? Ah! You're a good mom. And he's so darn handsome.
I loved being able to come stay with you last year because I felt like I really got to know Oscar and it was such a joy! The night he came and presented his favorite stuffed animal for me to sleep with until I left...he is a very special young man. He reminds me so, so, so much of Matthew. I wished we lived closer...they would be such good friends! His tae kwon do was incredible...he broke a board with his freakin' bear hands! And I loved his musical debut. Love, love, love your boy!
What is wrong with me? The Tae Kwon Do video made me teary! Was it supposed to do that? I just feel so happy seeing kids being happy and doing so well and being so impressive. I love that Heavenly Father gave us the perfect children for US. What a sweet boy.
Hooray for sweet, sensitive Oscar. You are such a sweet and sensitive Mom, you are just what he needs. He may not have come here all ready for the challenges he is facing, but you are the perfect mom for him, and you will help him through the rough times and help him be the best Oscar he can be. And then someday you'll have to turn him over to his wife and let her finish the job! :) P.S. You look cute in those jeans!
I love the name Oscar.
I only have a daughter but if I had a boy I would call him with the name of Oscar.
He looks as great as him name and seems to me he is lots of fun.
Congratulations!
Mirella
Treasure Hunts
He is great with that taekwondo! And you are such a great mother for him!
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