I know with all my heart that "the grass is always greener" mentality will only drive us all completely insane and make our lives miserable. I guess it takes being on "both sides of the fence" (sometimes 2 or 3 times...back and forth...) before we realize it. I used to think people who said we will only be happy when we DECIDE to be happy were pathological optimists...maybe that is not such a bad thing!
The thing is, it is more than DECIDING to BE happy. You also have to make a plan: HOW will I be happy? After all of the overwhelming comments of support from my last post (thank you all so much...it meant more than you know!), I decided we are smart women (and men) - intellectually, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I wrote down 2 things that I can begin to work on NOW to improve where I am, and to begin to really be happy where I am. This is my "plan":
First, I'm going to read a book. It is time to put new thoughts in my head about how special my children really are, and what an important role I am playing in their lives. My mom (Mo, the sage) gave me a book called "Parenting the Ephriam's Child" by Deborah Talmadge and Jaime Theler. I do believe the children being sent to us today are different. The way the book puts it, these children are intensely MORE: their characteristics, capabilities and challenges are unique and yes, intense. They require a lot. More to come as I really get into the book... Wish me luck: I rarely get more than 1/3 of the way through any book that is not fiction!
The second part of my "plan" is to make a list of things I can DO with my children. This sounds so very basic, and looks quite dumb written in front of my face, but the fact is I run out of things to do with my kids. Their boredom and my own turns into bad behavior (both of ours'!), and getting into trouble. This is turn leads to anger, hurt feelings, frustration, "time outs" and feelings of being the worst mother in the world. My list is quite short thus far. Here it is:
-Go to the high school track to run around, play and exercise
-Visit the Discovery Children's Museum
-Make a new friend, make a playdate (I try not to hate that word...it is like dating other women and their children...sometimes we click...sometimes we don't. And it is not just the moms - the kids have to like each other, too!)
-Have my sister-in-law and kids over for lunch
-plan a small garden and plant seeds with my 3 year old
Won't you help add to my list? I need more things that won't take as much time and preparation, and long-term projects would be great, too. Keep in mind that $ is an issue. If I had my druthers I would spend every spare moment shopping, painting and decorating my house, but the budget just isn't there. In fact, I have come to the conclusion that money may not be able to buy happiness, but it sure can postpone boredom for a stay-at-home mom! I would take my kids to Disney Land for a day trip, if I could!
Consider the suggestion box open and waiting for you input!
9 comments:
First off, I am going to put "Parenting the Ephriam's Child" on my wish list. For now, please keep reading and share a tidbit or two from time to time! Thanks!
I already commented on your previous post about how I lack in this department. But I do have a couple things that you might like to add to your list. Reading books with and to your kids, either at home or at the library. And coloring. My daughter loves me to just get on the floor and color with her. I am often surprised by how much I enjoy it too. (Note to self: color more!)
Thanks for sharing your plan!
Sounds like a great plan to me. I miss you being around. I bought some Altoids Apple Sours to remind me of you.
Wrinkle up a grocery sack (the brown kind) and then spread it out and burn the edges to make old-looking parchment for kids to draw a treasure map or something like that on. It sounds like it's more fun for them than for you, but I did this and it was quite enjoyable. I started a fire in my sink though so be careful.
I have read this and the last entry with Hannah in my arms so I have been replying to you in my head for a couple of days now. Here are a couple of things we've started doing that help:
1) We have started having "COUNTRY" week. Every week we chose (Jake chooses) a new country. When we go to the library, we check out 5-6 children's non-fiction books on that country and any thing else we can find. Every day we have a set time for one hour that is our country time. We start by reading one of the books and then we do an activity relating to the country (make food, listen to music, learn words, do a craft, learn a dance, etc.) It has been so fun!
2) Journal writing: I have a special shoe box filled with journal stuff (special markers, colored pencils, crayons, stickers, etc.) and every day at 5:00 p.m. we sit down and I help Matthew write about his day and Jake writes 2-3 sentences about his day and then they get to sit and decorate their page with stuff from the box while I fix dinner or what not. Their journals are just paper in a 3-ring binder but it is great for practicing writing, reading, letter recognition, etc.
3) File folder games: You can find them on the internet already colored so all you have to do is print, cut and paste but we also like the ones you have to color because it occupies Jake for HOURS and then he loves playing the games because he made them. I'll send you a couple of web sites where you can find the games.
Suzie! I think you are great!
In my book, the best kind of parent is one that "plays" with their children.
I asked my older kids, what their favorite memories were, of things we had done, when they were small. Here is what they had to say-
Baking, play dough (only the home made kind, my daughter piped in, we didn't ever like the boughten kind) scavanger hunt ( I would hide things, and make a list for them to find in our outside the house) dress up's. Macaroni mania (paper, glue, and pasta pictures) Plays ( I made a play house out of a refridgerater box, and the children put on numemrous plays. Later I made one with a spring curtin rod and some fabric that hung in a door frame, when we got it out) veggie neclaces, and my son's favorite was making hand print stepping stones ( gotta love Micheals) However, the two favorites are; reading out loud (we still do this, only the books have gotten MUCH bigger) and playing games. We are game players at our house.
I think it is great that you have identified something you want to change, and formulated a plan, and are going to execute it.
I wish we lived closer! Though, Ethan can't do much, I would love to have him in a play group, or to spend times doing things with other children.
Thank you everyone for your EXCELLENT ideas! I am so excited to start trying them this week. I am going to consolidate and print out the big list of ideas and stick it on the fridge to remind me that there ARE things to do, I just need to DO THEM!
Today we went to the Portland Children's Museum. My husband discovered it last week when I was out of town (he had the kids alone) and he bought a year membership. Today we spent over 4 hours in creative play bliss with our 3 kids... ceramics, painting, a puppet show, musical instruments, a huge water table, pretend grocery store, diner and doctor's office...it goes on and on! So much fun! If any of you come to visit, I can even get one person in free! (See all those exclamation marks?! I'm very excited about this new, fun, creative discovery!!)
In keeping with my plan, I commit to read another chapter in my book ("Parenting the Ephraim's Child") and to write a bit about it tomorrow after church.
Thanks again for everyone's suggestions. I'm grateful I have so many amazing friends/internet friends who are so supportive of me trying to become more passionate about mothering!
(the other Lisa here)
I love all these ideas too! I've noticed that I'm doing more with my kids as they get just a little older. My oldest is four now, and we're starting to get to an age where activities are important.
I just wanted to add . . . and this isn't an activity to do with your children . . . the best thing I ever did for my sanity as a stay-at-home mom was join a gym. It is an expense, but when I joined I figured it was either that or prozac and they cost about the same. You gotta find one with a good day care. I go at least five times a week. I have an hour away from my kids, I can take classes, do yoga, life weights. I don't really like doing any of those things, but they're good for me and I can't tell you how much happier I am when I do them.
It's changed my life! Just a thought.
Can I be one of your kids? I KNOW how much fun you guys have...
There is an awesome children's museum in Oregon City. It's only $2 a kid. And it's free for you! Bring a good book and let them go at it. It's much quieter than the Discovery one and much more enclosed. Bring a sack lunch to eat upstairs in the coffee shop.
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