Remember when I used to post stuff that was REAL? I mean, the nitty, gritty, ugly side of everyday life? I used to feel like getting it all "out there" was like free therapy. Well, I'll tell you what. I could really use some free therapy today.
Taylor has been out of town for a few days and he doesn't get back for two more. (Go ahead stalkers, kidnappers, burglars, etc. Make my day.) I don't consciously feel an additional weight of more stuff to do while he is away. Sometimes it even feels easier, in a way, because I can do everything at my own pace and in my own way. Don't get me wrong: I don't want him to ever go anywhere permanently. I'm just saying. I don't feel stressed because he is gone. But is it a coincidence that my kids are really giving me a run for my money for the last week? I want to pull all of my hair out. And all of theirs', too. If my stress level today were to be made manifest by the amount of hair I wished to pull, we would look like a family of billiard balls.
I don't want to get into specifics. They are all getting too old to dish out the real scoop. Time for the real kind of therapy that you actually have to pay a lot of money for? Yes... At least for one particular middle child who shall remain anonymous. I finally made an appointment for him today. I don't know what to do anymore. His teacher doesn't know what to do anymore (She never really did... and that is another long, stressful story I can't publish). It is time to bring in the professionals. Heaven help us.
When the kids all get home from school it is like a three ring circus, and my brain can really only deal with one "ring" at a time. I feel bombarded from 5 different directions (a five-ring circus?) with requests, demands, needs, etc, etc, from 2:45 until bedtime. I can't fulfill any of those needs well. Never well enough. Never enough time. Never enough energy to make my kids individually feel the love and concern I really feel for each of them. (Yes, Taylor. That is my final answer.) I am working so hard to just do the bare minimum, like helping each kid get to school with combed hair, breakfast in their belly, a backpack, lunch, shoes and completed homework. But, if you multiply that by 4 school-age children, that is 24 things I have to remember before 7:30 a.m.! AND I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!!
Please don't leave comments about suggestions as to how to be more organized and whatnot. I'm not a rookie. I've tried it all. And I continue to do so. No matter what I do or try, someone is bound to leave their lunch at home. I have actually put a kid's lunch in his backpack myself, only to find it sitting on the kitchen counter when I return from driving them the 25 minute round-trip to their school. (And my kids' school doesn't serve lunch, so that is one more trip to the school each day.) I am always a few minutes too late. I always have something to apologize to another adult about. I am so tired of feeling sorry. I'm not really sorry! Well, yes I am. But I don't want to be!
Boy, I still feel so stressed and angry. And all of this presidential election garbage isn't helping any. Can't we all just get along and play nicely? And for heaven's sake: PLEASE stop telling me how you feel about the opposing party on Facebook!
Maybe this free therapy stuff isn't working anymore.
14 comments:
No advice from me, just unadulterated SYMPATHY/EMPATHY/whichever one means I know exactly where you are, my friend, because I am right there with you. I am with you. I am living it. And if you need someone to run away with, I am your girl. Love you.
I am so sorry. I think you will find strength and comraderie in sharing your pain. No judgements here. All these expectations are insane, girl! Let go...put it in the kids' shoulders to take care of their own stuff. And go hide in the bathroom with a huge chocolate stash. Oh, does that count as advice?? Sorry!!! Love you even more for sharing your feelings on this.
Ok, maybe that was a tiny little non-judgmental judgement in the beat possible way. ;)
I also agree with you 100% on the whole thing about getting more done when the hubby is gone. It's easier to focus and do what you need to do. Minus the kids, of course.
*best*
I only have 3 kids, only 2 are school aged, and I feel like a crazy person. I can't even imagine how it is for you. But I'll tell you about my Sunday: husband's first week as 1st counselor in bishopric. I'm primary president. At one point during primary I broke a Pyrex 9x13 and sent a girl to the hospital for stitches in her hand...lost my 2 year old from nursery....2 days off of school this week. I might pull some hair out too.
I love all of you and your comments. XOXOXO
I feel your pain. My husband got hit by a tree 2 weeks ago doing service for his home teaching family. I feel like a single Mom doing everything, including taking care of him! I think we should all move to Australia...
Sarah, this makes me love and miss you more. I miss our free therapy running sessions. You are a great mom. I have personally witnessed all your efforts for organizing your children. I just don't think kids are organizable. (Is that a word?!) :-) Even some adults aren't. Just know I commiserate and understand and love you! Thanks for being you and sharing this with us. I have actually stopped making my kids sandwiches. That is my solution for now. I just needed a break from it, ha ha! Love ya!!
Charity- I am in for the Australia idea!!
First off I completely agree with you about presidential stuff on Facebook. Why are people so nasty about each of the candidates? And why does Halloween give people an excuse to dress like women of ill repute. Both of these aree questions I have no answer to.
And regarding the three ring circus, I'm just glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels like a crazy person. If it makes you feel any better I swear that Julia goes to school more than 50 percent of the time wearing mismatched clothes and without brushing her hair and I don't even remember to think about it until she is long gone.
Let me know if you ever find the magic solution.
Amen sistah. Amen and amen (sung all opera like.)
Yep, I hear ya. I think my favorite is when I am so busy trying to get it all to work right and then I realize that no one has had a bath in a week. Or it's Thursday and one child still had her 'Sunday do' in. Yikes.
And the lunch thing made me laugh out loud. I told Child A to put her lunch in her bag 12 times this morning. (She did, but why didn't she do it the first time? Does it get squished in there or something??)
So, I'm thinking Crazy is the new Normal. But I love your new job charts. I hope they do wonderful things.
It's like herding cats. So I say let the cats be feral and fend for themselves. I love your cats A LOT. Come over for a sleepover, without the cats.
I so agree!! When everyone each has their own issue at the same time... I'm at the same phase where what's really going on in my life is dealing with issues from kids who are too big to have it all broadcast to the world. Kudos to you for bringing in the professionals when needed.
I can't wait to see you next week! You are fun and funny and creative and interesting, and I'm excited to hang out and watch our circuses merge into a giant freakshow of cousinhood. They just might overthrow us!!
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