Guilty: this word was created just especially for me, I think.
How often do you say something completely and utterly offensive to someone, and then feel GUILTY about it for at least 72 hours straight? Do you do it to your very own sister? I do, probably more than I realize.
So, a few days ago my younger sister (who has 2 beautiful little girls) called to tell me she is pregnant with her third. [One necessary fact you must know before continuing to read: I have 3 children that are beautiful and intelligent. Love them to death, but I'm not the world's #1 perfect mom and sometimes they stress me out.]
Think of the appropriate reaction a close sister should have to this big news...now think of the opposite...that is what I said.
"What are you thinking?! Are you crazy? Did you mean to?!" I was being totally sarcastic and 100% rude. She really tried hard to mask her disappoint in me. Bless her heart. I tried to end our conversation with, "I didn't really mean that. You'll be a great mom-of-three. Really." But I could tell she was upset with me. And she should have been. ("STUpid, STUpid, STUpid!")
I felt guilty like crazy (so much for the New Year's Resolution - not the one about my husband losing weight...see previous post). I tried to call the next day to apologize, but only got the answering machine. I tried to imagine the message I would leave, "Sorry I ragged on the irreversible and eternal plans you have thoughtfully and prayerfully made with you husband." But, somehow it just didn't seem like the right thing to do.
She knew what a jerk I was for 3 whole days.
I finally got her on the phone today. She told me she had puked twice this morning, which somehow added to my GUILT, before I had the chance to apologize. I was sincere, VERY sincere. She knows me. She knew how bad I felt.
Unfortunately she had only just got off the phone with our older brother (who also has 3 kids) and he had the same initial reaction I did. Just great.
Maybe "guilt" is like "energy" which cannot be created or destroyed...it just transfers around a family...over...and over...and over...
5 comments:
SO good. So true. Remember my sarcastic comment on your Christmas blog about how Texas didn't feel "homey"? Well Mom read it and it made her feel bad and so it made me feel TERRIBLE for 48 hours of stomach ache and regret. If you weren't feeling guitly for those days it was because I was holding the guilty stick just then. Gees, this make us sound like we are all way sentitive and thin skinned.... Maybe we're just lousy comedians...
I'm sorry but it's true: Having three kids sucks in a way that you can not even IMAGINE when you have 2. And I mean that in the very best way. You are a good sister for giving her a heads up.
PS I love my 3 kids.
Kacy and Carrie Ann,
Thanks for making me smile right now. I needed that. :)
Sarah,
Wow. She's lucky I'M not her sister...my way-too-honest reaction probably would have made her disown me.
Ah...Emily called me and the first 15 seconds of the conversation went like this...
Emily: Hi, Amy. It's Emily.
Amy: Emily, don't ever have 3 kids. It is chaos all the time. I haven't been out of my pajamas in 3 days and I haven't seen my toothbrush for a week. I'm about to give Matthew up for adoption and Jake is watching Tarzan for the 3rd time this morning and...
Emily: Amy, please don't say anything else.
And then she told me she was pregnant with her 3rd child to which my non-blunt instinct kicked in and I said, "Oh. I'm just kidding. I'm sure you'll do great."
Whatever. Let her suffer with the rest of us...
P.S. I love my 3 kids too.
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