I love my Relief Society. Maybe this is only so because my calling is in Young Womens. Nevertheless, I am a faithful Home, Family and Personal Enrichment Night attendee.
I love seeing everyone in a more casual setting. I gobble up the refreshments like a starving person. And the anticipation of the sweet Relief Society President spilling some juicy ward gossip-I mean, information-during the "President's Report" moment always keeps me on pins-and-needles. It's just a good time.
Except for the lesson.
I am beginning to realize more and more how important the social aspect of being a member of the church is to me. (I'm shaking my own testimony, here!) The lesson is just pretty boring and almost certaily re-hashed from a few lessons you've heard over, and over, and over. (They do have the same topics outlined for them year after year.)
They tempt you to come with the allure of hot fudge sundaes and meaningful social interaction/bonding, and then they force you to sit through a solid hour of a Power Point presentation on food storage.
I appreciate what they are doing - truly - I have been there and prepared the same lessons. So why am I so full of rage?
Let's just say that the discussion following the presentation on food storage was one comment short of: "You know, you really are supposed to store a shotgun with plenty of ammo because when disaster strikes, all of your neighbors will kill you to get to your food." This would have been said by the same lady who suggested burying your food storage in the backyard because 1) It saves space, 2) It would stay at an ideal temperature, and 3) Your blood-thirsty, heathen neighbors will never find it there!
My one consolation is that I sat next to (and made friends with) a sister I had never met before who enjoyed snickering and exchanging quasi-snide remarks at other people's comments.
I made a new friend! Enrichment Night mission accomplished?? Not quite...
Unfortunately the "refreshments" consisted of 10 different dixie cups filled with samples of reconstituted cannery food. Refried beans!...MMMmmmm
The End
P.S. The following are the words to the opening hymn everyone sang (except me because at first I felt SO completely stupid, I couldn't bring myself to even lipsinc, and then I couldn't stop laughing.) Go ahead, sing it loud and clear to your computer screen, your co-workers, your kids...whoever will listen. Just make sure you sing it to the tune of "Did You Think to Pray" in a very solemn and dignified tone...just the way my dear Relief Society sisters did last night.
Ere you spent your family's paycheck
Did you think to save?
Just a little for the storage,
Just a little for some porridge
When the times are grave.
Oh, how storage helps the faithful
When the prophet's words we heed.
So, if you would not be tearful,
Plan what you will need.
When your neighbor tried to teach you
How to can and sew, (darn that annoying neighbor)
Did you feel intimidated
And your plans procrastinated,
Now you're feeling low?
Oh, how empty are the cupboards,
Oh, how ragged are your clothes. ("...and the ragged clothing!...")
How you'll wish that you had listened,
When the good life goes.
Wheat and beans and salt and honey
May not sound so hot,
But if you are going hungry,
If your tummy's cold and grumbly, (if your "tummy" is cold, you're probably DEAD!)
They can hit the spot.
Store some diapers for the kiddies,
Everything to see you through,
Cloth and patterns, thread and needles -
Store some long johns too.
-Author Unknown (Anonymous is more like it!)
8 comments:
Oh, man. I am especially offended by the part about sewing. I guess if you can't sew, or haven't taken the time to learn, or just plain don't WANT to, then you are a bad person. And let me say this: I do all my canning at Albertsons.
What are we going to be spread out across the land where the words TRADE and BARTER do not exist? I've got loads of fabric and I can make a mean potato sack dress if anyone's got some reconstituted beans...any takers?
Christian and I have a portable toilet and a big container for water that has no water in it. I need some more beans, I guess. Fact: For one of those same sort of [then called "homemaking"] meetings my mother made fudge out of beans.
Suzie, bless your beautiful hide for being able to make it through the evening. I would have died trying to sing that song, and I certainly wouldn't admit, even under torture, that I wrote the words.
What a trooper!
I am not big on guns… they make me uncomfortable, but if I had one that song would have never made it to its end… but the person singing it would have.
Fudge from beans… gross.
I too am impressed you made it through Suzie!
May I suggest the addition of a post-apocalyptic verse:
When your neighbor tried to kill you
For your rice and beans
Did you find your daddy’s shotgun
And attempt to shoot and blast ‘em
To protect your loot?
Oh, your storage is much safer
When it’s buried in the yard
Aren’t you glad you’re stocked with ammo?
This killin’ ain’t so hard!
It's just plain wrong to call beans refreshments.
Your heart-felt comments make the evening more than worth it! I can't wait to go again next month...hopefully it will be just as much fun.
Christian: LOVE that verse. I'll submit it in ward council for approval to be sung at next month's meeting :)
Carrie Ann: I can trade you 30 yards of cream colored knit fabric for some legumes. (Don't you love that term?...no wonder they're not popular fare.
My very devoted LDS friend told me she had abandoned the whole food storage idea and was stock piling chocolate, cigarettes and NyQuil (alcohol). She said it hit her in the middle of a guilt attack one night about her food storage that in the end, she could get anything she wanted by bartering with those 3 items. Anyone got some creamed corn they want to trade for 2 tablespoons of NyQuil?
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