Here's my current, comprehensive list:
1) If my three-year-old son doesn't feel like I am responding to his, "Mah-um!! Maaah-um!!!" quickly enough, he starts shouting, "Hello!? Is anyone home??" in a way-too-sarcastic tone for any three-year-old. Who taught him that, anyway? It's not like I go around saying it. Rude.
2) Guilt. But, I've already mentioned that.
3) Immediate family members who lurk on my blog, but never comment. Shame on you.
4) When I moved into my ward, I met another stay-at-home mom my same age, with the same aged kids. I felt like we were supposed to be friends out of circumstance. She has since moved out of state, and I feel that is the only reason I can write about this without crippling guilt. I couldn't be her friend because she was WAY too opinionated (and misinformed, by the way), but mostly because she used common phrases incorrectly. The one that still makes me cringe whenever my husband says it just to make me cringe: "On the one hand ....blah...blah....blah... and on the same hand ...yada...yada...yada" Notice: it should be "on the other hand". It is different from the "first hand", and that's the whole point!!
5) Why is the sink plugged and full of water every time I go in the bathroom?
6) My hair. Have I mentioned it is devoid of color and shape? (I recently read a female character in a novel being described as having "mousey brown hair". I think that is me.) I'm thinking about a perm. Does anyone want to deter me? I've heard they've come a long way since the last spiral perm I had in 1991.
7) Why do my in-laws always ask SO many questions when we talk on the phone? Don't they know our (8-year) relationship wouldn't feel so strained and awkward if they just learned to "shoot the breeze" every once in a while? Sheese...I always feel like I'm on the witness stand defending my life.
8) I have a problem with people thinking I'm too blunt. The world would be a happier place if our conversations were not masked in half-truths and "putting our best foot forward" all the time. I'm a real human being ... YOU are a real human being (aren't you?). Can't we just help each other out? There IS a way to speak how you truly feel and not be offensive. (Even if I'm not good at it yet, at least I'm trying.)
9) My parents never call me. Fact: I paged my dad (twice) the other day. When he returned my call the next morning he said in a very professional voice, "This is ____ _________ returning a page I received from this phone number." A call once in a while would make me feel special. (Hey, if this is offensive...refer to #8. And anyway, I didn't give you my blog URL. A comment here and there [as long as you're lurking] would go a long way, too.)
10) I don't get it. At my age, am I supposed to wear nylons (pantyhose, tights, etc.) or not? I'm trying my best to be stylish here with what I got. Help a sistah out.
Peace out.
21 comments:
um...yeah. My younger brothers are SOOO sarcastic because they were so young when their stupid older sisters "taught" them how to be sarcastic.
Girl, let me talk you out of a perm. A good cut and color will do WONDERS. I PROMISE.
And please...be blunt. Yes, there is a fine line between blunt and rude...but SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND. For the rest of us who have a hard time doing so...
I really haven't been deliberately lurking on your blogs without commenting....you know me, I always have plenty to say...I just couldn't figure out HOW to make a comment (I am over 50 and officially in the computer-challenged/totally clueless segment of America's population, ya know.) I finally had to sign-up and NOW I can make comments....I know, you can do it anonymously but then how would you know it was me making comments? Anyway, here I am. I am very interested in reading your blogs. It gives me a whole new insight into your mind and life. I can see that I need to call you more often, too! don't worry about Dad's message....he leaves messages like that for me, too. I think he has a hard time turning off the executive mode.
P.S. Comment number 2 (you may be sorry you said that about not making comments!) Dad obviously didn't know the page was from you!!!! AND, as your mo, I think you SHOULD wear nylons...but again I am over 50 and that was how I was raised. Just make sure you don't wear them with open-toe shoes....even I think that looks geeky!
I love mo… she seems wise and fashion conscious. As to the hose… wear them (or tights – I usually go the tight rout)… it gets cold outside and do you really want chapped legs? Or to freeze to death? Get a cute pair of tall boots (or a few cute pairs) because that really is the best look with tights (hounds tooth tights, grey tights, black tights and brown tights… try one try all) …on the same hand you may prefer to just always wear slacks and skip the whole tight/hose experience… but really what do I know? Just trying to put my most fashionable foot forward here.
Suzie, I love this list. I love it because it is blunt and honest. And funny! I love #8 about being blunt. Sometimes I am too blunt I think. This weekend when asked to describe a roommate, I described her as having a horrible laugh and a weird face, and in my defense, both of which are true. Truthful, yes, necessary, probably not. Oops. But I know what you mean in wanting people to be real human beings. It would be nice.
Well Suzie P...blogging really is an incestual world. Here I am and HERE YOU ARE! And here Carrie is sitting next to me holding my baby that won't be set down today. You are a blogger...and I'm a wanna be blogger with 3 entries to my name. Carrie says you are the best blogger ever...I think she even said you were really "popular" on the blogging circuit. I love your writing because you are so funny and blunt and have your thumb on the pulse of life!! :>) But here I am rambling...
1) Jake calls me by my first name if I don't respond quick enough which is a little odd because that was my trick for getting mom's attention when I was little. So it begs the question, "Nurture or nature?" Where did he learn that trick? Plus, as Carrie just mentioned, you are married to a professional clown.
2) Guilt. Suzie dear, the answer comes once a month from my local Target pharmacy in a little bottle with pretty little pills. When Jake asks what I'm taking, I always say, "It is mom's special medicine to keep me rooted in THIS reality." He never asks for any more explanation.
3) I would never lurk and not comment. I consider that very uncilvilized behavior. I just discovered you and am dying to know who else is living a secret life as a blogger.
4) There are lots of people that I used to agonize about not liking until I came to the conclusion that there are lots of people that don't like me and there are surely enough people in this world that I don't have to like anyone I don't want to.
5) Having your sink plugged is a direct result of procreating. You have a child and they come with a desire to plug things. I have stopped asking why the boy's bathroom toliet is always plugged...it's because Matthew does daily science experiments every day by seeing what he can throw and flush. (FYI: socks and spiderman underwear don't flush well)
6) If your hair is colorless, does that mean it is clear? Wouldn't that be cool. Um...about the spiral perm...take it from an expert 80's permmer...your hair is NEVER the same. And a bad perm is so much worse that colorless and without shape.
7) In-laws. I bonded with mine on the day Chris had to call them over here because I was FREAKING OUT and incapable of functioning and had to be walked around the block for several hours...my mother-in-law walked in, took the baby and said, "I've been on Zoloft for years. This is why I don't go a day without it" and sat on the sofa without reacting in the least to me in my postpardum anxiety state. They never, ever ask questions. And I don't ask about what I know...like the Victoria's Secret magazines and Viagra in their bathroom.
8) Suzie, you are blunt and it is so OK. I am the ultimate non-blunt person although sometimes I am misunderstood on this account. For example, a sister told me she was fat and I told her she wasn't fat but I would promise to tell her if she ever was to which she replied, "You are the last person on earth that would tell me that" to which I replied "When you get as fat as I am, then I can safely tell someone else they are fat. But why would you be fat if you aren't even half the size I am?" Does that make sense? See how bluntly misunderstood I am...
9) Interesting...my parents never call me either. And dad never returns my pages so I'm a little jealous you even got a return call.
Suzie Petunias: At your age I think you can start wearing ratty old sweats. Thats the joys of getting old.
Don't get a perm. Wear tights. But what about light hose? Does ANYONE wear those anymore? Like cream, or white? Does anyone ever wear nude? Nude fishnets are ok--I know that. And I never wear nude, I just thought we could get a little more specific about the tight/hose issue because I would like to wear the knee length skirts that are so fashionable now but there's no way I can go bare--you can Suzie, you have good legs (in the summer, of course) but what other options are there? Maybe I should do this on my blog. . .
I say wear the pantyhose in the winter and go without in the summer. My question is....are fleshtone pantyhose in style or not? Tifferbob
Aidan: Stop being mean to little children. It is not healthy (but darn funny!).
Sarah: Maybe if we got all of the sarcastic children together they would cancel each other out. No, wait...I just got the scariest picture in my head of serving PB&J to all of the sarcastic children of the world and all of them turning to me, and unison saying, "What is this supposed to be? Lunch? I don't think so." We'll have to re-think that.
JP: Do you know anyone who does a cut and color for under $30? Alas...mousey my hair shall remain. Sigh.
Rebecca: You are so clever! Thanks for the fashion help (though my fashion "neediness" knows no bounds). I've actually begged my husband to "secretly" nominate me for What Not to Wear. I expect Stacy and Clinton to jump out from my pantry at any moment.
Star: I just saw Bridgette Jones' Diary last night, and your comment reminded me of how she introduced people she didn't like. Funny! (But I hated listening to her fake British accent.)
Mo: Welcome to my world! But, I ain't buyin' it. 1)Your IQ is way higher than mine. 2)You have taken actual (advanced) college courses about desktop publishing (hellO?!)...so don't even try to tell me you couldn't figure out how to make a comment. 3) As for commenting anonymously, you could have started the comment with, "Hi. It's Mo. Yada Yada Yada." I would have figured out it was you.
As for the nylons...according to Stacy and Clinton it is completely acceptable to wear nylons with open-toed shoes so long as they do not have a reinforced toe. But, I'm likin' Rebecca's idea to try boots. Hmmmm.
Mo and Amy: At any rate, you are welcome to join in the blogging fun. Unbeknownst to myself (for many years) I have led many to believe I was not an open, sharing person. This makes me sad, because there is nothing I want more than for people to know and understand me. So, here you are. I'd love to know what you've learned about me that you didn't know before. Let the sharing begin!
Cameron: Baggy sweats? How old do you think I AM?
Kacy: Regarding the wearing/not wearing of nylons...I'm seriously considering taking a picture of all of the outfits in question, posting them in a blog, and taking votes. Nylons? Tights? Boots? What color? I knew the world of blogging would solve every unresolved issue in my life...
Anonymous: Someone needs to put a phone call in to Stacy and Clinton and get a definitive answer on the nude hose thing (and white and cream, just for Kacy).
Suzie… I love the taking pictures and voting idea. IN FACT… just this morning as I was thinking of possible interview outfits I was considering taking pictures and seeing what people thought… go the conservative route, exhibit A or possibly a bit more Rebecca route (still a suit, but with a splash of fun), exhibit B… Of course I would have to figure out the whole picture thing… but to get wardrobe help I think it might be worth it… for me that is.
Suzie P. What a great blog. I started to read it and I got a call but continued to read as someone talked techie to me because I couldn't pull myself away. I said "Yes, I agree" or "Sounds good" at least a dozen times and I have no idea what the person was talking about. Seriously. I hope this doesn't come back to bite me.
Sorry I'm no help with the tights issue, but I can safely say that you should avoid the ratty sweats.
-I am all for the idea of putting pictures up concerning the nylons and such. Is it not kosher to wear nude nylons?
-Isn't Bridget Jones wonderful Suzie?!? I love it. It is so quotable and Colin Firth is a beautiful human.
Christian, that is the best blogging compliment ever. I just hope you didn't agree to something illegal during that phone conversation...
Star, as soon as I figure out how to post pictures, I'm all there. I always thought nude hose was for old women, but maybe that was just because that's what my older sisters told me. They were so cool. They wore a lot of black nylons...sometimes blue.
As for Bridgette Jones...if she had changed her mind just ONE MORE TIME I would have turned off the tv and gone to bed never knowing who she would sleep with next... and that accent! Ok, it was slightly entertaining.
Sweetie...NOT IN CALIFORNIA! $30 will get you a cut...MAYBE, which is all I get done professionally now. I just can't stomach $100+ trips to the salon anymore. This is why I've had my nearest and dearest start coloring my hair. And ask Miss Marinara what color my hair is right now!!!!
Actually, I'll tell you...aiming for dark brown...got BURGUNDY. I actually love it. Shocked, but I LOVE IT. Makes me feel like I'm in a cool episode of Alias. Everyone has to have a break from the norm.
Be daring...I dare you! :)
Nude nylons are a)way too expensive (for the ones that look decent) b) not especially "cool" c) required where I work (!!!) d) ultimately pointless e) all of the above.
Actually, since I started my job 4 or so months ago, I've gotten used to nude nylons. (Nude nylons in particular aren't required, just nylons, but come on, I'm not going to wear colored tights every day.) Hanes Barely There has some really good ones--you really can't even tell unless you're sitting in the sun (which, who is in an office? If I was sitting in the sun I'd have bronzed, nylon-less legs).
Anyway. I hate nylons. I hate that they get runs, and the nice ones are expensive ($6, at least!), and that the days I do wear nylons seem to be the days I need to go to the bathroom the most often.
Knee-high boots and long skirts have been my answer to the nylon problem, so I don't have to wear them every day. I don't know what I'm going to do in the summer, because nylons are so not in after Memorial Day!
By the way, I'm Eliza. I like your blog! Oh, and I have no idea where you live, but when I lived in Provo I went to beauty schools to get my hair done. Boo yeah, it's like $6 for a cut and $20 or so for color.
Good gracious do you feel SO validated by all the wonderful comments? You should, you really should. As an older sister who is STILL cool... Only wear nylons if you HAVE to. Shave or better yet, wax, and use sunless tanner. I may have to blog about this myself. I will check it out...
Welcome, Eliza! I'm in Oregon (just outside of Portland) now, but lived in Provo for over 7 years. Yah, I had a friend in beauty school (over by the Gold's Gym on 9th) color my hair for a song. Unfortunately my blond hi-lights looked like tiger stripes (I believe that's the phrase they use for a horrible weave. I'll tell ya, though... I'm liking the idea of burgundy, JP. Sounds like fun. I don't have a roommate/sister to do it, though. My husband is useless in these matters. Once when I went out of town by myself, he took my daughter across town to a friend's house to get them to do her hair. He's that bad.
Funny me...I posted as "anonymous" on my very own blog!
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